Transforming: Day 47

Rolling in the Deep

Sometimes there are tasks in our lives that can best be described as “sisyphean.”  A task that is endless or unavailing. 

There are days that working out feels like I’m rolling a boulder up a hill.  I physically have to go to the third floor in the morning to exercise; there are mornings where I’m just wondering when it will be over. 

Work can also be source of sisyphean tasks.  I know there are times that I’ve felt that I can only push the boulder up the hill in so many ways or the boulder is suddenly larger one morning than it was on a previous one.  The great thing about working where I do is that there is a community of boulder pushers who help one another either by letting them vent their frustration, suggesting new avenues for the boulder and there are those few who will actually put their shoulders to the boulder and help push it along.

Currently my greatest boulder is my daughter Leah.  Yesterday I had told my girls that we would easing back into our school/summer schedule to get ready for the first day.  My oldest, Hope, is ok with it.  She’s 12 and knows the drill.  Also, school is not a problem for her.  Leah on the other hand was like, I’m not really too excited about that. 

The reason for Leah’s reticence is that she has learning disabilities that impair her ability to store and retrieve visual information. This slows her processing speed and makes reading more of a chore than an adventure, it slows her mental math, and can also cause her to say things incorrectly when she’s retriving information.    We had asked to have Leah tested for her learning problems early on during her first grade year, but the school dragged its heels.  She was on grade level, but just required more time.  We were working with her every night and on the weekends we would introduce the math concepts so that they weren’t brand new to her.  By January we were fed up and demanded action!  The school complied and she was tested.  The last 7 or 8 weeks of school were actually her best times of the year.  We could tell that she was more confident, but we were concerned that when the year ended so would her confidence.  The school provided a tutor for her for 6 weeks out of the summer, and she focused on reading and writing.  It was a very positive experience for Leah that ended right before we went away to Disney.

Leah's Rock

So now that we’re back, I want to get going on school.  Part of my eagerness is me wanting to prepare for my own classroom.  Getting my lesson plans crafted and scheduling my activities for the fall.  I’m excited and I would like both of my girls to be excited as well.  In my head I hear Gary’s voice saying, “just let them be kids, it’s the summer.”  Maybe I don’t need to add weight to Leah’s boulder.  I can feel her tense up when we talk about school starting.  My oldest, who is in middle school, is excited to go back, school shop, see her friends.  Leah’s year of first grade was one of great anxiety and frustration so her memories of school are not the best.   She has her own boulder to roll and I need to find a way to push it with her not just add to it.                                                                                                             

I just want school to be easier for her, but part of that is because if it were easier for her–it’d be easier for me.  Ouch!

Pet rocks would be so much easier.


T-43 days


2 thoughts on “Transforming: Day 47

  1. 1. i will help u push even if we r not in the same room any more!
    2. i feel leah’s pain, on so many levels! i have to take my praxis and am freaking out, i know the content..but when i read the questions, my brain plays tricks on me! im a terrible test taker…eric finally realized how i struggle when i was going over practice questions, was stuck, discussed my rationalization, and had the correct concept, told him the right answer, but selected the wrong answer. it kinda makes u feel dumb, and even though u know ur not, its just how it is.
    3. mia wants a play date! i can talk to leah if u want? different person, one who can relate…just remember most of her bbehaviors are anxiety driven, and not to personally piss u off (well not yet anyway!)….but give her a fun and exciting reaction (lets see if dad can turn that color again, this time i’ll time him!) she will push u!

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