Yesterday I was really proud of myself. Not just because of the 9-mile run, but because during the run I never once let myself go to the place in my mind where doubt or weakness resides.
When Beth and I first started running together last year, she would be running ahead with the Couch to 5K app in her ipod so that she would know the time intervals and I would be watching her in order to know when to run and when to walk. There were many times when I would be yelling in my head about the time being up or perhaps Beth didn’t hear the automated voice telling her to walk (which did happen one time). I was so focused on what she was doing I didn’t really pay attention to what I was doing or listening to my own body.
Towards the end of the program I told Beth that I needed to really run on my own. This statement couldn’t have been more true. Part of the truth is embedded in my own vanity however. I was tired of being the caboose in this situation. Beth was much more fit than I was when we started running, and it made sense that she was stronger. I didn’t want to hear from neighbors how they saw Beth leading the way as we ran, because what I heard was, “I saw your fat ass dragging behind Beth as you were running.”
So I had to do it to prove to myself that I could do this for myself and not just for her. That’s where theh transition occurred, because I actually started to take ownership of my running. I began listening to my body and trying to push it where I could.
By the time I reached Broad st. this past May, I thought that I was pushing myself. When I look back on it now, I realize that the Husker was in charge of my training. I was running and preparing for the run, but I was scared and each time I ran I didn’t feel confident.
Something changed this summer during this P90 experience. The fat, scared little boy grew into a man even though there were times that I had to drag him there kicking and screaming. Perhaps Tony Horton’s workout allowed the confident man inside me to come to the forefront and take over for the Husker.
So the remodling has been occuring all summer long, but I really felt it the most when running with Beth yesterday. Running with her–alongside her–partners. I did not need her motivation to pull me along, but rather we fed off of each other. One of the songs that was playing on my ipod during our run was Young the Giant’s “My Body.” Pretty much sums up how I was feeling!
Today was a day off from running, which means it was a circuit day. Weights, pushups and ab workout were in full effect, and I felt tired afterwards, but another day is done.